(Thanks again to Raza for coming through and putting a bit more effort than Quincy Pondexter did on the court last night!!!)


“How much do I suck at my job? About this much!”


Los Angeles Flippers:  Oh boy.  Anytime the AP post game recap starts off with:
First, there was a layup.
Then, there was a 30-foot 3-pointer. Then another layup.
You know the Clippers were in for a long night.  Worst of all it wasn’t like it was an all star in David West  went off on them (just 0-3), but rather it was Leondra Barbosa who had 12 points in just 18 minutes to become the straw that broke the camel’s back.

On the other end of the spectrum it was great to see newly acquired Nick Young make himself comfortable.  He already took the 3rdmost shots on the team going a predictable 5-13.  You can take the man out of the Wizards, but you can’t take the Wizards out of the man.

want to say the Clippers schedule gets easier, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel for them.  It’s just that they play the Thunder tonight, so maybe that light is an oncoming train.


Toronto Craptors:  Well, nobody said the post-Bosh world was going to be easy for them, but then again if you’re glory years involve Chris Bosh, you know things were pretty dim to begin with.  This game was never even close as those classic Knickerbockers led by as many as 23 and move to 4-0, extending the dead coach bounce theory.

"They're a tenacious, different team," Toronto coach Dwane Casey said. "It's amazing, their tenacity, the way they attack. If you don't meet it, they take you out."  

 When you’re the coach of the Raptors, chances are every team looks tenacious and different.

"I think we just didn't execute the way we were supposed to and we got a couple of turnovers in a row," Calderon said.
couple turnovers?  I’m assuming “couple” is Spanish for 17.  Because that’s what the Raptors ended up with.


Ramon Session’s Lakers:  It felt like only a week ago the Lakers made a trade for Sessions, offloading Richard Jefferson’s boyfriend in the process (Luke Walton) and some of the pundits in the Sporting world were claiming the Lakers back to being (near) favorites to come out of the West.

Sessions had a nice game with 14 points and 4 assists in 29 minutes, and the Lakers founds themselves with a 94-85 lead with just 5 minutes left in the game.  The same game where they went off for 40 first quarter points.  So far, so good.

Then Goran Dragic happened. The future Manu Ginobili went off for 16 points and 13 assists to wallop the Lakers into their 2nd defeat in just as many games.

Kinda sad how when I looked at the box score and saw Kobe’s stat line, I initially went “10-27, Kobe had a nice game” only to realize that’s just 37% shooting from the floor.  But hey, after going 3-20 in the previous game, 10-27 is like matching Chamberlain’s 100 points.

Despite a dubious ejection for Andrew Bynum, the Lakers should have won this game with their epic frontline going a combined 17-25.  Except this version of Kobe happened:





From AP:
Bryant, coming off a 3-for-20 shooting night Sunday, went 10 of 27 with two 3-pointers against Houston. He shed the protective mask that he'd been wearing since Dwyane Wade broke his nose in the All-Star Game and says he doesn't plan to wear it again.
"I might donate it, see if anybody's dumb enough to buy that sweaty mask," he said.
Maybe Kobe ought to hang onto that mask, if only to hide himself from the shame of his last couple shooting performances.


Oklahoma City Blunder:  Well, life hasn’t been so kind to the Thunder since the All Star break.  They’ve lost 4 out of their last 7, and found themselves getting outscored 50-20 in the paint to the Mormons of all people.  

Kevin Durant had his worst shooting night of the season going 6-22 from the floor, as well as an un-Durant like 0-7 in the fourth quarter.
Also committing 20 turnovers didn’t help their cause much.

Does anyone else feel like having Scott Brooks at the helm is going to hurt these guys come playoff time?  They still have a great shot at the WCF, but if he’s going to continue to “draw up” 30 foot jumpers for Durant to shoot over multiple defender with the clock running out, the Thunder might have a shorter postseason than expected. 

The Grizz:  It’s happened.  It’s finally happened.  Man landed on the moon, doctors can create artificial hearts, and the Kings have now won 3 in a row thanks to the Grizz!

The Grizz, who have been playing well post All Star break, gave up 37 first quarter points to the Kings (yikes!) and then allowed them to shoot 54% from the floor.
Giving up 32 free throws also stung.

"I got to say that in the first quarter, we gave up 37 points, and that was pretty much the game right there," said Grizzlies guard Tony Allen, who scored 14 points. "They set the tone, and unfortunately we couldn't bounce back."

Well, you know you’re in for a bawful-esque night when you let the Purple Paupers set the tone.  And that’s exactly what happened.

The Phoenix Suns: You know I almost didn’t want to include them in today’s post, because it’s so hard not to appreciate how much Nash has carried this team to an over .500 record.
But when you blow a 10 point lead with minutes to go thanks to a 17-0 run by the cHeat, you will find yourself with some unflattering company.  

LeBron found himself on the receiving end of a nasty collision with Grant Hill late in the game.  

"Never had one of those hits since I had on pads and a helmet," James said. "So it took me back to that moment. I don't know what exactly happened. ... I'm all right. I've been better. I've got a little headache. But I'll be all right."
See Lebron, that’s just 1/100th of what Cav fans felt like the following morning you announced your decision.
Despite Steve Nash having 7 turnovers this game, Spoelstra still had some kind words for him:

Heat coach Erik Spoelstra spent the better part of two days raving about the Suns' play of late, especially Nash. A sampling of the terms Spoelstra used to describe the Phoenix point guard: "maestro," "timeless quarterback," "relentless" and "tireless."
However when asked about his own PG in Mario Chalmers, Spoelstra quipped “No comment”


Tonight’s Games:

Suns at Magic, 7:00 PM: So we can all officially agree no player went from “reasonably likable” to “total douchebag” faster than Dwight Howard this season right?  As cute as it was for him to offer to not opt out for another year, I almost wished he got it over with so we won’t have to go through this InDecision drama next year.


Knicks at Sixers, 7:00 PM: If the Knicks can get a win tonight, it’ll probably be their most impressive one during their recent streak.


Bulls at Craptors, 7:00 PM: You know the attendance is so bad for the Craptors that if you show up 20 minutes early, you get in for free.  Show up an hour early, you get to play for them (and possibly provide an upgrade at the Center position)


Cavs at Hawks, 7:30 PM:  Zzzzzzzzz….


Wizards Genrals @ Nyets, 7:30 PM:  This looks to be a good one.  And by good one, I mean greatest bawful potential of the night!  I can’t wait for next season of Prison Break starring Nene.


Warriors at Hornets, 8:00 PM:  You know, this game was supposed to be in Oakland, but the boos from Mullin’s retirement ceremony were still so loud that they had to move the game to New Orleans….and they can still hear the GS crowd.

(Chris: And speaking of the Warriors, here's an EPIC Bill Simmons piece on their extreme levels of franchise fail since the 1975 title - a title not even won at The Oracle, but at the Cow Palace in San Francisco/Daly City due to scheduling conflicts with an ice skating revue.  During.  The.  National.  Basketball.  Association.  Finals.)


Clippers at Thunder, 8:00 PM:  They say things have to get worse before they can get better.  And for the Clippers it’s been “worse” for about 25 years now. Something’s gotta give for these teams going through a bit of a funk.


T-Pups at Spurs, 8:30 PM:  Anytime you can trade pansy ass Jefferson for a guy who interacts like this with his twitter followers:


You just say yes, and ask questions later.


Pistons at McNuggets, 9:00 PM:  Congrats Denver, during a shortened season, every team deserves a gimme now and again.


Lakers at Mavs, 9:30 PM:  Well, the Brightside for the Lakers is that they have yet to lose to the Mavs this season.  The downside for them is that Dirk is shooting over 50% from the floor (including over 50% from 3 point land) and over 90% from the line for the month of March.  And Kobe is shooting….well do I even have to say it?
Should be a good one.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Craptors-Knicks: Toney Douglas bricked once and fouled once in 174 
seconds for a +2.

Suns-Heat: Channing Frye burned up one field goal and four boards in 
25:14 with three turnovers and a near-foulout for an 8:6 Voskuhl.

Thunder-Jazz: Nazr Mohammed misplaced a rebound in 13:45 with three 
fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Kings: In one of the most lucrative stints on court in recent 
years...QUINCY PONDEXTER PRODUCED AN AMAZING 11.1 TRILLION (665 
seconds)!!!!  Josh Selby also lacked it up with a brick from Frank 
Fat's Restaurant in 72 seconds for a +1.

Jimmer Fredette produced his own brick from the Esquire Grill in 338 
seconds for a +1.

Bucks-Frail Blazers: Larry Sanders showed how an assist could be made 
irrelevant in 3:40, fouling and losing the rock once each for a 2:0 
Voskuhl.


Labels: , , , ,

26 Comments:
Anonymous JJ said...
Raza, thanks for the awesome post! "You can take the man out of the Wizards, but you can’t take the Wizards out of the man." - Hahaha, loved it. It's your best one yet. I think you're getting really good at this.

I don't know if it's just me, but Chris' lacktion report had a weird small font. Very hard to read.

Anonymous Team_BC said...
RE RJ's bf: Think before you speak (or blog): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D_XLCmY0D8

Anonymous Ruben said...
You killed it Raza. The Richard Jefferson's boyfriend bit was gold. Thanks for stepping it up while Bawful tanks the season to rehab his mojo (As long as we get a high draft pick, I'll be happy though).

Blogger chris said...
JJ: Let me fix that right now.

Blogger chris said...
Alright, I've gotten the font issue fixed...I think.

Meanwhile, still cracking up at your photoshop, Raza. One of the greatest things IMO to ever grace these pages.

In fact, you should consider doing that for every WOTN from now on. :D

Blogger Dan B. said...
That graphic recreation... it's so lifelike!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Great stuff chris, keep it up plz

Blogger stephanie g said...
If your title hopes rest on the shoulders of Ramon Session I think you're in trouble.

So Dwight isn't a douche for having multiple baby mommas while being the normal hypocritical 'family values' Christian (private life off limits) but he is for being indecisive to the point of comedy? I think he should've just left, really. But it seems like they played well enough to fool him for another year. Now they can stop pretending. They are trash without Dwight. Don't they already have multiple sub-60 point performances this season? Just trrrrrble.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love the kobe picture, tho I dont think its Raza's work since i saw someone post this pic on insidehoops forum a long while back. Still a hilarious pic though and perfectly appropriate for the discussion at hand lol

Anonymous grizzly said...
Love this comment on Lamar Odom's line versus the Lakers, quadruple uno.

Odom, who was booed loudly enough to prompt wife Khloe Kardashian to plead via Twitter for “positive energy” from the home crowd, produced a quadruple-uno. That’s one point, one rebound, one assist and one steal in 24 minutes.

Anonymous Naz said...
It was great seeing McGee play well for the Nuggets. I was worried when Nick Young did terribly on the Clippers that McGee would suffer from the same inability to take the Wizards out of the man and end up being terrible.

Either way though, we really couldn't have lost. Either McGee changes, and does better or he stays the same in which case many more opportunities for hilarity. :)

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Ramon Sessions could have arguably been called the best player on the floor last night in the Lakers-Mavericks game, with 17 points, 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and one block in 29 minutes of play. The difference between the Sessions Lakers and the Steve Blake Lakers is pretty stark. The Lakers were +28 in the 29 minutes Sessions played, but were -9 in Blake's 17 minutes.

Blogger TeamD said...
Raza, you have a gift. Nice to see the blog alive

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i just laughed me .. off

http://www.omdoubleg.com/sports/jeremy-lin-removes-mask-to-reveal-hes-actually-michael-jordan/

Blogger Wormboy said...
Great freakin picture! Laughed my ass off!


http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/22/sports/basketball/mike-woodson-cant-explain-carmelo-anthony.html?ref=basketball

Dead coach bounce (of easier stretch in the schedule bounce) for the Knicks. And ... Carmelanoma tells us that he's decided to play hard. If you ever doubted that the man was a putz, let that doubt be laid to rest.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Umm, Nick Young is one of the best offensive options on the team. What the hell are you expecting? He had open looks, but he didn;t knock them down. The real problem with the team is VDN, though I uppose its a Clippers move to have good talent but a moronic head coach.

Anonymous Adrià said...
I'm loving this site. I was sad after the lack of updates, it was really good to be aware of the funny side of the NBA, and now we are getting it again.

Raza, you're doing great :)

Blogger chris said...
Quadruple-Uno.

I really wonder if we've seen anything like that before. Actually, I'm sure we have...but those things tend to be even more forgettable than actual lacktion!

Anonymous Raza said...
Haha quadruple-uno, has a great ring to it and everything.

For the Kobe drawing, I never took or asked credit for creating it, there are tons of these MS Paint gems for the NBA, and like my man Chris suggested, we will definitely include at least one per post from here on out.

And as always, I appreciate the nice comments/feedback, the readers are what makes writing for the blog so enjoyable.

If you haven't done so already, I really encourage you guys to read Bill Simmon's Warriors piece that Chris had linked in the posting.

Anonymous Barry said...
That Stephen Jackson tweet had me in a stupor the first time I saw it. And that Kobe image.....where has it been all his career?

Blogger chris said...
Yeah.

Reading Simmons's Warriors smackdown...

CHRIS MULLIN WAS TRADED FOR ERICK DAMPIER

WAIT

WUT

Blogger Raza said...
"Warriors were forced to sign Webber to a 15-year, $74.4 million deal that, incredibly, gave Webber an out after his first season. Hold that thought"

Hahahaha like how the hell do you invest that much into someone, only to give them an opt out after one season?!? I almost forgot there was a time where you could give out contracts like that in the NBA.

And yeah Chris, trading your franchise star for Erika Dampier was brutallll.

Blogger chris said...
Seems other than the 1975 title, the Purple Paupers haven't had it as bad as East Oakland, simply because East Oakland handed them Mitch Richmond and gave them the opportunity for Chris Webber.

That is all.

Blogger kazam92 said...
Read the Simmons Warriors trade article. That is 30 years of unfathomable bad luck and bad decision. Holy crap.

Blogger TeamD said...
Amazing article, goose bumps i tell you.

If you put a monkey as a GM statistically it could have done better than the 2% success trade rate the warriors had the past 35 years.

Anonymous David said...
That article brought back oh so many painful memories. But I have to say that the absolute worst for me was when Mitch was traded for Billy ****ing Owens.

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