Hey! I think I see a penny!
Now that’s what I call a basketball revolution. Get ‘em boys!
The mighty Conrholio Speaks! But mostly he just stares
Avery Johnson just remembered who he was
Damnit ball, just leave me alone!
Bobscraps: Sometimes I ask
myself if it’s even worth putting this team on here, since they’ve probably
been included on Bawful more times this season than anyone else. But if our goal is to focus purely on
comedy then look no further than these guys.
Playing the Buckaneers, they gave up 72 points in the paint
(not a typo).
How do you let that happen to a team whose best post up
player right now is Drew Gooden?
Littering the court with banana peels would have provided better defense
than what the Bobscraps could muster.
After witnessing this performance in Charlotte, I’m sure the crowd
"You have to be tough-mined as well as physically tough
and if you're not, those kinds of things happen," Bobcats coach Paul Silas
said. "You have to be experienced, too, and the majority of our guys are
not experienced. We have to learn and we have to get better. That's just where
we are right now."
That has to be the most polite way of saying “my team sucks”
I have ever heard.
Speaking of the Bobscraps, to make things interesting, the
NBA should entertain the idea of letting them finish out the season in the
At least that way they can battle the New York Liberty for
the 4th spot in the east,
feel somewhat competitive, and only give up half as many points in the
The New York Bricks: Well, if they did one thing right on
this night, it was live up to their Bawful nickname.
When the going got tough, Toronto got going by unleashing
the most common of all basketball defenses to stump the Knicks.
They went zone.
And the results weren't pretty.
New York shot just 32 of 85
(38 percent) and no Knicks player made more than six field goals.
Everyone knows that one of the best ways to beat a zone
defense is to hit your outside shots.
Well, for NY they took plenty, and missed even more.
Going 5 for 28 from 3 point land (a percentage matching
Amare’s S.A.T. score for the reading comprehension section), the Knicks were
blown out in a game that was never in doubt.
According to the AP, this was also the first NBA game to be
broadcast in Mandarin for North America.
I could just see the job posting when they were looking for potential
broadcasters on Craigslist:
WANTED: Mandarin Speaking Basketball
Commentator for the Raptors
Must at least know how to say the following in Mandarin for 2
½ hours a night:
Thats hit the front of the iron
He’s coughed it up
Raptors have cut the deficit to just 20 now
Focus on the draft, gear up for next season
Both teams played hard
Calderon needs rogaine
Bargnani at the buzzer! It’s no good
Contact us now! All applicants
Skins: Well they gotta have
thick skin to put up with the type of criticism they must be getting this
They got blown out by the cHeat, and were down by as many as
"We knew exactly how they were going to defend us, but
we weren't able to do much against them," Detroit coach Lawrence Frank
said. "We kept trying to move the ball through the forest of hands, and
they were getting all kinds of tips and deflections.”
He also added “I, nor anyone on the team have any idea what
the hell we’re doing out there.
Hopefully the fans don’t pick up on that”
Judging by the attendance
Lawrence, I think they might have.
Mavericks: Since there was no
D whatsoever on this night against the Spurs, as they let them shoot 49% from
the floor, the Mavs got smashed 87-104.
Not only was their D pathetic, they only managed to shoot 38% from the
floor themselves, blending the best of their 2003 era defense and 1997 offense.
Maybe they shoulda brought back this
to help in the shooting department:
Getting crushed by the Spurs at their arena is one thing. SA does have one of the top home records
in the league, but letting yourselves get your asses handed to you by THIS GUY:
In that case my friends, I can’t let you off the hook.
Ginger Face went off for 14 points, nailing 4 out of 5 from
three point land. He did his best
Nowitzki imitation from the perimter, while Dirk did his best Playoff Bonner
imitation in the third and fourth quarters.
Speaking of which…
Bomber: And bombed, Dirk
did. After starting the game 4-6
from the floor, it felt like the Spurs were going to be in for another night of
rapage from Dirk who was scorching in that first quarter.
Then San Antonio switched Stephen
Jackson as well as Boris Diaw on him.
Dirk finished the night going a season worst 5-21 from the
Dirk saw Diaw guarding him and probably thought he was going
to get eaten alive. Literally
Lamar Odumb: Earning the first DNP-CD of his
career, this guy finds all kinds of ways to hit a new low. What was once seen as a huge steal for
Dallas at the beginning of the season, has now become a total distraction.
It was already bad enough that his wife wouldn’t let him
take off his warm ups in bed, but now the Mavs too?
Vince Quitter: In 24 bawful minutes, he managed to have
just as many turnovers as field goals (one) for a total of 3 points.
As a matter of fact, D-League prospect Eric Dawson managed
more points in one minute (6) than
Vince the Wince managed in 24.
Hopefully Dawson enjoyed his
Jeremy Lin moment.
Minny T-Pups: This game
had 95% of an epic story with a happy ending for Kevin Love, who had a career
high 51 point night to go with 14 rebounds against the top Western seeded
The Wolves, who had lost Rubio a few weeks ago, had no
business being in the game. The Thunder allowed Love to shoot 60% from the
floor, including 7-11 from 3 point land.
The Thunder tried everything they could to stop him:
double/triple teaming, having Ibaka and Perkins smother him, and playing the
latest Ringo Starr album at an obnoxiously high volume.
But none of that worked.
So how do you ask, do the T-Pups find themselves in our
Worst of the Weekend selection?
Well that’s easy:
Everything fell apart as the Wolves went on to get blasted in the 2nd overtime, getting outscored 11 to 20.
Kudos to Love, but this gem must have made him pretty sore afterwards:
"That's my man, my main guy. Definitely talking trash out there, especially after he hit the one right in my face,"
"He said, 'In your face.' He just kept pointing, like, 'In your face, in your face.'"
No Kevin, in your face
I’m not the only one who felt bad for the T-Pups, after the game Beasley made sure everyone was consoled and taken care of:
*whistles* What can I tell you. At first, it surprised many that the Lakers were willing to let go of Derek Fisher to the Rockets just for a decent prospect in Jordan Hill.
Considering how much he meant to the franchise in the past as a veteran leader and clutch shooter, Fisher was pretty butt-hurt for getting traded.
Ladies and Gentlemen, now I give you your 2012 Derek Fisher!
Going 2-11 from the floor, with just 5 points and 3 assists in 36 minutes, Fisher was really killing the Thunder out there. Bricks after brick after brick.
He’s old and slower than ever, but now you can really see how much Sessions is an upgrade for the Lakers if this is what they had before. I’m sure Fisher will have better games, but this season has been awful for him as he’s averaging career lows across the board.
Now, some people felt there were many times where he looked like the worst Laker on the floor earlier this season, but I’m thinking what he’s doing now is better for the Lakers than anything else he’s done for them since 2010.
He’s sabotaging the Thunder!
That’s gotta be it right? I wonder if when Fisher told Houston that he wanted a buyout and was willing to sacrifice 3.4 Million dollars that Kevin McHale popped out of that mine shaft and went “Yesssssss”.
You hope Scott Brooks won’t trust Fisher with that many minutes a night on a consistent basis, but then again, it is Scott Brooks
Bitch, I’m a YELLOW BELT
Goran Dragic reacts to Dirk
Nowitzki spoiling the second season of Game
Coach Whittman: Did you guys know that the longest amount
of time I’ve spent with a woman was an hour and 10 minutes? Keep in mind that also factors in
Yao Ming doing what he did best during his years for
Houston: sitting on the sideline in street clothes.
The Grizz: Well, I am expecting a dead coach
bounce effect to happen any day for the Clippers as Vinny finds himself on the
hot seat more and more. Looks like
the Clippers got a head start by pounding the Bernstein Bears jumping out to a
33-17 first quarter lead and never looking back.
In regards to Vinny, this is what Griffin had to say:
"Somebody kind of told me what was being said about
him, but we're all behind him (especially
if Vinny is on the edge of a cliff) and we've got to keep it that
way," Griffin said. "I don't know how much we've taken from his
personality (judging by their record,
probably a lot), but he's an energetic coach and obviously we want to play
that way. Sometimes we haven't, but we just need to keep buying in, and
everybody needs to believe in each other."
The Grizz have now lost 5 out of their last 6. If Coach Hollins is aiming for another
tank for the 8th seed to face OKC, he’s doing a great job.
Bobscraps: Oh hey Bobscraps! Long time, no see.
In a battle of the impotents, the Nyets and Bobscraps went
all out in boring the fans as Williams and co. cruised to an easy 102-89
victory. Things have become so
frustrating for “Coach” Silas that he didn’t even bother to coach this game,
instead letting his son Stephen Silas take over.
And in true father like son fashion, the results weren’t any
Desagna Diop and Najera missed the game for Charlotte due to
injuries….all of their teammates were jealous.
Toronto Craptors: Playing a depleted Bulls team, the
Craps looked like they had the perfect chance to steal a game at the United
Center. They were up one, with Amir Johnson at the line shooting free throws
with 15 seconds to go.
As expected, Johnson missed both free throws, setting the
Bulls up for one last play.
Without leaking the script, I’m sure you can guess what
Bulls post game reaction (via AP):
"We're lucky we had enough time to get the
rebound," Deng said. "When it left my hand it felt good because I saw
the light after it left my hand. But then again, you never really know. We
waited until they made the decision."
Craptors post game reaction (via AP):
Wow, this is a classic. Calling it an “error filled” debacle to close out the game is an understatement.
From AP Recap:
On any other night, David Lee's 5-second violation in the final moments might've cost the Golden State Warriors a win. It was the kind of head-scratching turnover almost nobody can top.
Except the Sacramento Kings.
Isaiah Thomas dribbled the ball of his leg attempting a crossover against Lee on the next possession, handing the Warriors a 111-108 victory in a turnover-filled finish typical of two teams at the bottom of the Pacific Division.
Look no further than the play by play to get an idea of what happened:
If BasketBawful ever gets James Cameron to put out a film
based on this blog, the last 3 minutes of that fourth quarter should garner an
Bawful favorite DeMarcus Cousins had a monster game of 28
and 18. However, when the guy you
build around makes plays like this on a weekly basis:
It’s no surprise that the Queens find themselves on the
losing end of a lot of games.
Here’s my number, I’m in room 321
Kyrie: Why the hell is this guy holding my hand?
Rondo getting into character to play Jaffar in the new Aladdin
The Cavadeers: Well, mama always told me there would
be days like these.
didn’t tell me that they’d be this embarrassing.
The Cavs got blown out by the Suns who trailed by as many as
28. Shooting just 38% from the
game, Cleveland was never even close in this one.
Marcin Gortat scored the first 10 points, as the
Suns just ripped through this one for the easy victory.
"He ate us alive," Byron Scott said. "I don't
know if Tristan didn't know that much about him or if he didn't realize that
the guy is a pretty good player. Gortat has been playing well all season
Wait, don’t all NBA teams have a scouting staff? So you know
which players to key in on? Not
saying that Tristan shouldn’t know about Gortat, but you’d think they’d discuss
this in the gameplan somewhere? Right?
But then again the words “Cavs” and “Gameplan” have never
been used in the same sentence until now.
Denver McNuggets: Instead
of focusing on the Nuggs getting their butts whooped, let’s focus on what
really makes Denver so fun and exciting this season (even if for all the wrong
According to buzzfeed.com
here are 21 reasons why you should
follow McGee on twitter. These
include his views on health, gender inequality, gangster mothers, owning a DJ
Roomba (!), and how Jack n Jill was apparently hilarious:
And we’re not done yet, here’s Javale McGee getting heckled
by a donkey:
At this rate he should change his name from JaVale McGee to
Philly 1776’ers: Prior to this game, Philly’s record in
games played in San Antonio was a tidy 1-23 since the 1987 season.
Juding by that statistic, you’d think the Sixers would
rename the Spurs arena to “San Antonio’s Bedroom” since that’s where they like to go when they wanna get f*cked
And boy, did they ever.
Managing just 41% shooting to a Spurs team playing its third
game in just as many nights, the Sixers got blown out in the second half. Scoring just 27 points in the second
half would’ve been great for 1942, but 2012?…..not so much.
I get that the Sixers had no Iggy, but San Antonio played
sans Duncan (DNP-OLD
The Sixers had to deal with the monstrous frontline for the
Spurs that ended up being the Turd Towers (Bonner/Blair). To make matters worse, Philly shot just 45% from the free
Looks like those Shaquille O’Neal Free Throw Shooting Kits
really do work:
ON SALE NOW!
Utah Mormons: You know what sucks more than sitting through 4
quarters of a Jazz/Hawks game?
Sitting through 4 quarters and four overtimes of a Jazz/Hawks game.
This was a game that saw 136
missed shots, 82 free throws, 68 fouls, and 54 minutes of Zaza Pachulia.
And have I mentioned that the
teams were a combined 2 of 16 from the field in the first overtime?
combined four points tied for 2nd-fewest in NBA
history in an overtime period.
Best news for the Mormons who
lost after slugging it out for all those minutes?
They get to play again Monday
Miami cHeat: Well that was awesome.
The Heat got outrebounded, outshot, and outclassed all the
way to a 87-103 loss to the Thunder.
It’s one thing when you let
Durant (11-20 from the field, 28 points) murder you, but letting KENDRICK FREAKIN’ PERKINS go 8-11 from the
Then again, if I saw a guy who
looked like this
I’d probably let him do whatever he wanted around the basket too.
In other Heat news, Antoine
Walker was forced to sell his championship
thanks to racking nearly $13 Million in debt.
Life hasn’t been too kind to
Walker in recent years. This was the same guy who unfortunately got robbed
years ago at gunpoint.
If there’s a positive about that
story, it’s that it marked the only time Walker didn’t allow his man to get a
His name belongs here because he had just as many
points in 18 minutes in this game as I did from my couch. Not to go overboard with the Fisher
looking old thing, but let’s be serious for a second. On the court this guy looks like he’s just a few weeks away from wearing
those old man diapers
If the Thunder go on to win the
championship, you know they’ll play up the whole “veteran presence” angle for Fisher.
I can just see the tagline for
the Thunder Championship DVD featuring Fisher and the rest of the team:
They changed his diapers, he changed their lives.
Should be a Disney film in no
Los Angeles Flakers: Taking on the Care Bears, the Lakers kept it relatively close
in the third quarter, but slowly let the game slip away, falling to the Grizz 96-102.
Shooting 40% against a potential
playoff opponent just isn’t going to cut it. Since acquiring Sessions, the Lakers are officially playing
.500 ball (3-3 since the trade).
Kobe Bryant getting benched courtesy of Mike B:
Despite the Lakers getting strong
shooting percentages from Kobe and Bynum, Gasol’s 4-14, and
Peace Ron Artest going 2-9 is just asking for a loss in the worst kind of
Speaking of Ron Artest, I close
this novel of a post with a trip down memory lane:
Hope you all had a great weekend.
Chris's Lacktation Report:
Cavs-Magic: Semih Erden bricked once in 8:35 for a +1.
Meanwhile, Daniel Orton dropped a piece of masonry on Lake Eola in 119
seconds and also lost the rock once for a +2 and a 1:0 Madsen-level
Suns-Pacers: Indiana's AJ Price cashed a quick cartridge exchange at
Gamestop for just 8 seconds for a SUPER MARIO!
Nyets-Hawks: New Jersey's Sundiata Gaines had 16 seconds to evade Koopa
shells for a Mario.
Meanwhile, Jason Collins countered 2 boards in 13:45 with three fouls
and two bricks for a 3:2 Voskuhl, and Jerry Stackhouse stacked up 2.7
trillion worth of bank notes (164 seconds).
Heat-Pistons: James Jones hit a jackpot at the MGM Grand with a 7.6
trillion (455 seconds).
Celtics-Sixers: Sam Young earned Philly a cool exact 2 trillion!
Wolves-Thunder: Anthony Randolph lost the rock once in 44 seconds for a
+1 and Mario, while fellow puppy Brad Miller negated an assist with a
foul in 3:46 for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.
Mavs-Spurs: Brian Cardinal fouled once in 260 seconds for a +1, the
same suck differential Dominique Jones earned in 124 seconds via brick.
San Antonio's Boris Diaw dished out perfection from the field (on one
attempt) and three boards in 15:53 only to foul four times and lose the
rock twice for a 6:5 Voskuhl.
Nuggets-Jazz: Denver's Julyan Stone prospected a cool 2.4 trillion (144
Enes Kanter was musical from one attempt on the field in 7:43, but that
and a board could not overcome two fouls and turnovers in a 4:3 Voskuhl.
Frail Blazers-Lakers: Troy Murphy mired himself in a +1 via foul in 160
seconds that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.
Grizzlies-Clippers: Trey Thompkins lost the rock once in 91 seconds to
give Donald Sterling a +1.
Hawks-Generals: Jason Collins provided the dirty birds with 6.2
trillion in celebratory cash (374 seconds).
Bobcats-Nyets: Cory Higgins can buy new shoes with his 1.7 trillion
payday (102 seconds).
In that same timespan, Sundiata Gaines bricked once for a +1 and Jerry
Smith also collected cash, but in the form of rubles.
Mavs-Rockets: Houston's Courtney Fortson bricked twice (once from
[downtown Houston]) and fouled in 264 seconds for a +3.
Purple Paupers-Warriors: East Oakland's Jeremy Tyler trashed one board
and field goal in 9:58 with four fouls and a turnover to earn a 5:3
Generals-Celtics: Edwin Ubiles was unproductive in 344 seconds with a +2 via bricks for Washington.
Meanwhile, E'Twaun Moore (via foul in 171 seconds) and JaJuan Johnson
(via brick in 167 seconds) each earned +1 suck differentails for Boston,
and Sasha Pavlovic took home a 2.8 trillion (167 seconds).
Jazz-Hawks: Just because it took FOUR overtimes to resolve this game
doesn't mean Jason Collins can't do his normal stuff for Atlanta,
managing only one assist in 8:38 that was marred by a near-foulout for a
El (Oh El) Heat-Thunder: James Jones jacked up three bricks, with two from...Bricktown...to earn a +3 in 216 seconds.
Nick Collison was perfect on a singular attempt from the field in 18:34
but fouled and bricked twice each for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Reggie Jackson
slugged one visit to Bricktown in 74 seconds for a +1 - the same
timespan it took Cole Aldrich and Royal Ivey to bring home 1.4 trillion!
Also striking it rich was Lazar Hayward with a 2 trillion (119
Warriors-Frail Blazers: Jeremy Tyler toiled as East Oakland's starting
big man, botching two boards in 8:41 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.
Mickell Gladness unhappily bricked once and fouled thricely in 238
seconds for a +4 and a 3:0 Voskuhl, and Keith Benson banked a 4 trillion
Grizzlies-Lakers: Dante Cunningham culled a single piece of masonry in 64 seconds for a +1.
The Lakers matched that suck differential with Troy Murphy's brick from Olvera Street in 305 seconds.
Labels: Raza, Worst of the Weekend